Memory
by AmaranthPrincess21
Summary: While recuperating from the Female Titan's attack, Levi frantically searches for Petra.


_She has to be here somewhere._ There was no time to waste; the Survey Corps were taking a short break, lingering on the edge of the Forest of Giant Trees recovering their dead. Levi hurried around the small crowd of soldiers, heart pounding painfully in his chest. He'd seen Eld and Gunther sitting on the back of a wagon, recuperating from the near-fatal attack from the Female Titan. They'd been getting treated for injuries so he hadn't been able to ask them if they had seen Petra. He had no idea it would be so hard to find her.

 _She might be with Oluo,_ Levi thought. _He's probably annoying her and doting on her if she's gotten hurt. Is she hurt?_ Judging from Eld and Gunther's own injuries, she had to have at least some kind of injury. _Petra can take care of herself,_ he reminded himself. _She's a grown woman and she doesn't need me panicking over her. She's around here somewhere. I just have to look harder. That or she's dead and with the bodies._ His throat seemed to cave in at the thought of her dead. _I can't panic over nothing. There's no proof that she's dead. I just need to see her to know she's okay._

Eren was passed out in a wagon so Levi couldn't ask him where she was and Oluo was getting treated for a bad head injury. _Tch, where is she?_ Nerves started to boil in his stomach as he moved through the crowds even faster, desperately scanning his surroundings for the familiar sight of light red hair and large brown eyes. He must've gone passed every member of the Survey Corps by now. Adrenaline gushed in his veins and a sick restlessness grew in his body. He _had_ to find her. He had to make sure she was okay. He just needed a glimpse of her, that's all he needed. Just a small assurance that she was alive and well.

And then he saw her.

Wild strands of ginger hair and her arm stuck out of the canvas wrapped around her body like a blanket. Blood seeped from her body onto the light beige fabric. It didn't take long to figure out what had happened. Levi dropped to his knees beside her body. No, it wasn't just a body. It was still Petra. It was still the Petra he knew and loved. Just . . . dead.

A dry and painful ache tore through his throat as he gently pulled back the canvas to reveal her face. Her nose was broken and bloody, but she looked fine. As much as he hated to say something so cliched, it looked like she was sleeping. He pulled out a handkerchief and tenderly wiped the blood off of her face. It wasn't the first time he'd done it. His fingers had memorized the soft feel of her skin, the slight peach fuzz pleasant and familiar against his skin. He knew where her dimples were. He knew where her brow would furrow. He knew where the corners of her mouth would lift when she smiled.

But he was never going to see her smile again.

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. She was gone and he would have to live the rest of his life without her. Regrets flooded his mind before he had the chance to stop himself. He never told her he loved her, he never got the chance to kiss her, he hadn't told her he loved her coffee enough, he hadn't told her just how beautiful she was. His muscles trembled, trying to make his body shake and heave with dry sobs that clawed their way through his body. _I can't do this. I can't do this again and I can't do this here,_ he thought, taking a deep breath to try and steady himself. Everyone counted on him to stay strong. He couldn't mourn. Not out in the open. But with her corpse in front of him, it was hard to keep it together. He'd just have to do what he always did: put on his poker face while his mind and body screamed and sobbed inside of him.

But as he fought back regrets horrific realizations took their place. Levi would never see her smile again, or cry, or that beautifully passionate face when she engaged a titan. Those things only survived as ghosts in his memory now. Like how his mother used to sing to him every night, how Farlan used to pick fights all the time, how Isabel always insisted on accompanying him everywhere. Now she would just be a memory too.


End file.
